The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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