don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
