woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
