he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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