Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
