Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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