to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
