You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
