I don't think brook has ever known best
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
