But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
