while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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