I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
