Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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