We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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