yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
