I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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