my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
