Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
