clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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