they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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