His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
