So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm at about main and main street
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
