i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
