I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
