A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
