and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
