i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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