How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
