And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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