so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
