My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
