I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
