Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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