Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
