Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
