are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
