dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
