It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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