I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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