Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
