my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
