Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
