Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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