yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
