I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
