Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
