i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need water and some morals
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
