I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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