John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
