Need sex. Gaining weight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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