So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
