I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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