When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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