Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
