when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
