Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
