i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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