It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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