At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
