Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize