i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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