I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
