you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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