Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
