yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What a dumb baby whore.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
