So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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