his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
