I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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