DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize