apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
