I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
