we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I AM VODKA MAN
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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