i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
