you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
