You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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