Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
