I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
