if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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