Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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