I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
