Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
