there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
