ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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