Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
