the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
