Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
