how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
