i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
either way he was missing a nipple.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
