Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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