But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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