if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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