There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
