R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
