I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
