Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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