No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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