ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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