okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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