Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Shame - the story of my life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
