About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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