Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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