There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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