Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
