i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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