it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
