did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
